I am sorry I did not post this up yesterday. I was kinda busy.
Chapter 3
The wind stopped swirling.
Zoe and Bo loosened their grip on their hair.
“We are here,” said an evil voice.
Zoe and Bo looked up. There stood a tall figure, face covered, and all dressed in black. Around him was green shrubbery, vines hanging, and sunlight streaming in through the treetops.
Zoe glanced around her. Where was Tommy? She stared up at the black figure closely. His face color could only be seen. She stared hard. It was BLUE!
“What are you staring at?” asked the figure. His face covering slowly started to slip off, and he quickly struggled to fix it. But alas, he had failed. All of his black clothes slipped off and collapsed on the jungle floor with a flupp. There stood Tommy, standing on stilts, in front of them.
“I knew it was you!” Zoe exclaimed, trying to hide her utmost surprise. “You can never fool me!”
“Heh,” said Tommy meekly, climbing down from his stilts, who knows where he got them. “I just wanted to give you a little scare. Just to see if 11- and 12-year olds could be scared of a smart little 10-year old.”
“YOU? Smart? Joke, Tommy, joke,” said Bo.
Tommy kicked his stilts and black clothes away in a bush. He looked up, down, left, right, and all around. “This place is PITIFUL!” he almost screamed.
Zoe and Bo stared at him oddly. “Pitiful?” they asked.
“I said beautiful, not pitiful,” said Tommy. “The narrator must’ve heard wrong.”
“Yeah, he probably did,” said Bo. “He always does. I think, after this story is finished, I’ll get the narrator some hearing aids.”
Thank you, Bo. I’m sure that will be very helpful.
“No prob.”
Anyways, the whole time Zoe, Bo, Tommy, and I were talking, we were being watched. By who? A smelly guy named Faysaham. Faysaham, hiding in the bushes, giggled. He thought the whole scene was hilarious, just plain hilarious. He giggled again, this time a little louder.
“Hey, what was that sound?” asked Bo.
“I didn’t hear anything,” Tommy said dumbly.
“Well, maybe you tooted,” said Bo.
Tommy’s cheeks reddened.
“Hey, quit it!” said Zoe.
Faysaham could not hold his laughter any longer. His lungs exploded into a wheezy laugh, and his skin flapped as he shook.
“Now I’m sure I heard something!” said Bo. “Come on, to that bush!”
The three creatures ran to the bush where Faysaham was hiding. Faysaham quickly tried to run away and hide, but alas! You know what happened. Yes, he was caught.
“Blow Goon!” Faysaham cried. “What will I do now?”
“Well, duh. You’ll come with us, you smelly dude!” said Bo.
“I ain’t no dude,” said Faysaham. “I’m a Toucan Sam!”
“There is only ONE Toucan Sam, ding dong!”
“I AIN’T NO DING DONG!!!”
“Are too!”
“Ain’t!”
“No, sorry, it’s too late, you are already one.”
“I’M A CHEETAH!” Faysaham screamed.
“You’re a cheater?” asked Tommy, grinning dumbly. “LOL!”
“You guys IRRITATE me!” Faysaham screamed irritatingly.
“Yeah, well, you’re still coming with us, smelly. To jail,” said Bo gravely.
“You live there too?!” Faysaham exclaimed dumbly.
“No, dummy,” said Bo, rolling his eyes till they hurt.
“Well, let’s hurry up and take you to jail. This conversation is getting too long for the page,” said Zoe, irritatedly.
Suddenly, a chitter sounded behind them. An angry chitter. It was a chimpanzee! It leaped at them, wailing and screaming like an old woman.
Bo peered at him as he clawed Tommy’s face. “Hey, old monkey friend! Calm down! Or I’ll KILL you!”
The chimp stopped chattering and clawing. His eyes grew big, and bigger and biggest, until they were as big as APPLES! Then, he burst into large tears.
“Hey bro, calm down, I was kidding!”
The chimp stopped sobbing. He then grinned, looked up, and started to claw Tommy’s face again, chattering.
“On second thought, I wasn’t kidding,” Bo said, and jumped onto the chimp’s back. They clawed and screamed, and Zoe, Tommy, and Faysaham stared in awe.
“That friend of yours is quite a fighter!” said Faysaham, pacing around with clasped hands behind his back. “Tremendously incredible!”
Tommy wiped all the green alien blood off his face. “That enemy of my friend is tremendously terrible.”
Finally, the fight ended. Bo emerged victorious, although his skin was now stretched and flabby from the pinches and pulls of the crazy chimp. As for the crazy chimp, he lay stone still on the ground, blood trickling out of his mouth, and one swollen, black eye.
“VICTOREH!” Bo yelled, and the chant began. It echoed all around the jungle.
“Victo-reh, victo-reh, ohhhh, victoreeh!” They all chanted, including Faysaham, pumping their fists into the air, including Bo’s bloody one.
That is one violent scene.
“Well, you’re narrating it anyway!” said Zoe, who had been quiet for a long time, excluding the Victory Chants.
Zoe, Bo, Tommy, and Faysaham, who was now their friend, marched away from the crazy chimp, who was starting to come to. As they walked, Faysaham started blubbering junk.
“So yeah, um, I was just hiding in that bush, eating berries, when suddenly you guys appeared. I was quite shocked and I thought you were ghosts, or visions or something. And Um...yeah. That’s why I, uh, touched you, to see if you were real.”
“Do you go to Blubbering School? That’s a real skill you have,” said Bo offensively.
Faysaham whapped Bo on the head in offense. Then he bit Bo. Bo smiled. His flabs had saved him. A bruise started to well on Bo’s flabby leg, and he muntahed --
“Stop it! That’s just plain nasty!” Zoe screamed. “It’s not even part of the story!”
Oh, it is! And that’s why I’m narrating it. I am the narrator. Bwahahahahahahaha!
Zoe muttered something, then turned away.
“Hey, I thought we were friends!” said Bo to Faysaham.
“We were,” said Faysaham evilly. “We’re not friends now.”
“Let’s leave this book!” said Tommy. “It’s no good!”
No! I have no other job! Help! Don’t leave!
Zoe flexed her muscles, then leaped up, a very famous cat jump.
Bo screamed like a monkey and did a very famous spinning jump.
Tommy zoomed up.
Faysaham leaped up like a cheetah should.
And so they all left the book.
There was a sickening riiiiip as they tore the pages.
No! They really left me!
A Voice: Yes they did.
Narrator: Oh! I didn’t know you were here, O Head Narrator!
Head: Well, I come to any Narrator who does his job badly. Now be quiet, I will narrate what you’re doing.
Narrator: Yes, Head.
Head: I said be quiet!
(Narrator pouts and crosses his arms.)
Good, now I’ll begin.
The Narrator sat sadly on a tree stump. He was very sad, even though it was his own fault that he lost his job. Just as I say this, tears roll down his cheeks in self pity. He whimpers like a lost dog. He sits like a dead pig. He farts as if it’s going to be his last fart in the world. Tears roll down his cheeks as if his eyes are faucets-
Narrator: I don’t think you need to lie, o Head Narra-
Head: Silence!
As I was saying, it was your own fault. You need some lessons on narrating. Narrating lessons can take up to one or two pages, so you’ll be here a long time.
Narrating Rule No.1:
Narrate descriptively and kindly. Never offend a character. If you narrate lamely, these books will be read by no one, or rated half a star.
Narrating Rule No. 2:
Include little violence, though violence is common in a Zoe and Bo story..
Narrating Rule No.3:
You must do anything, and everything to keep your characters in the book. You quite obviously failed this one over all.
Narrating Rule No. 4:
Never say “Bwahahahahahahaaa,” because that makes the characters feel that you are somewhat evil. I know that you ARE evil, but you don’t have to show it so much.
Narrating Rule No. 5:
Do not say any violent scenes are violent. That may be the truth, but it can offend a character very much and can cause him to jump out of the book. It can also cause arguments between narrator and character.
Narrating Rule No. 6:
Do not use words that are not English, such as ‘muntah’. It can confuse a reader and cause the reader to look up the word, and if the reader finds out that it is not a nice word, he will never read these books again.
Narrating Rule No. 7:
Make sure you clean your ears before narrating. If a character says something and you hear and narrate wrong, it can cause the character to become immensely furious and call you names. And we don’t want bad mannered characters, excluding villains.
Narrating Rule No. 8:
Always make your good characters smart and sense-making, even if it’s lying,-
Narrator: That’s all very well, O Head, but clearly, I have not followed any of those rules, because I have not heard of them before, and also, there is no need to cry over spilled milk. Could you just please tell me how to get my characters back?
Head: I was getting to that, if you mind, mortal. To get your characters back, you must go into the story yourself and jump into a mud creek, then jump into a bush, with leaves and all, then wait for the mud to dry. After that, jump out of the book, and tell your characters you will do what they say for 2 chapters.
Narrator: Why thank you, O Head! I will try that.
Head: The Narrator jumps into the book and runs to a mud creek. He jumps in, then out and into a bush. Leaves stick to him and he almost looks like a bush himself. He stands next to a rock in the hot sun and waits for the mud to dry. A few minutes later, after the mud dries, he jumps out of the book and yells, “Characters, I will do anything you say for TWO whole chapters!”
Zoe, taking a look at the world outside of the book, hears the narrator, then quickly runs back to the rest.
“Hey guys, guess what?”
“Your butt,” Bo said.
“Whatever. Anyways, The Narrator left the book! He also looks hilarious. See him for yourself! But first, let me tell you what he said. He said that he would do what we say for 2 chapters!”
“Cool!” Tommy said primly, staring at the Narrator’s pinchy face under the mud and leaves.
“Let’s go back in!” cried Faysaham as tears surged out of his eyes.
And so, with amazing high leaps, they surged through back into the book.
